Dear Australia, Thank You So Much For Everything*

Formerly, the curtains in my room

I've had a truly lovely stay and greatly appreciate your hospitality.

*Snaps suitcase shut* 

I will never forget your clean public transit or fabulous Thai food, and I genuinely appreciate your liberal use of the word “cunt.”

*Grabs coat from coat rack*

A huntsman spider, which my beautiful and valiant Aussie flatmates described as “medium,” and, “one of the good ones.”

Of course, all good things must come to an end, yadda yadda, etc. etc, and I WILL MISS YOU

Forever yours,

Gwen

P.S:
Please also find attached Exhibit B, a cockroach that entered my foyer just to die, I assume so that it could rest peacefully knowing its last act on this earth would be to upset a human woman.

GASP, SPUTTER