Dear Australia, Thank You So Much For Everything*

Formerly, the curtains in my room

I've had a truly lovely stay and greatly appreciate your hospitality.

*Snaps suitcase shut* 

The Travel Bit

Before I left my job my boss said to me, "When that day comes, you're getting on that plane, whether you're ready or not."

***

I was genuinely surprised this morning when my cab picked me up, just like I ordered. Because airports are mysterious and security is difficult and I don't know what I'm doing, I showed up for my domestic 8am flight at 5:25am, sharp. I was still worried I would not have enough time (Spoiler: I did). Much to my surprise, the nice gentleman behind the counter printed my boarding pass. My ticket was valid. I got through security without issue, folded my hands, and waited politely to board for about two hours.

Finally, boarding time was upon us. First, platinum members were called to enter the plane. Then the gold and ruby members. Then preferred members. Finally, it was time for regular ol' group 1. I looked down at my boarding pass. GROUP FOUR, it read. Shame washed over me. How embarrassing, to be the last and obviously worst group to board the plane.

Forty five minutes later I got to my seat and my palms started to sweat. We began to inch forward. We were going. I was going. I immediately burst into tears. I felt scared that I was going to be so far away from home. I looked around the plane, and comforted myself with the knowledge that no one around me gave a single shit.

I snapped this terrible photo.

The plane ride felt long and I couldn't sleep. No amount of free juice could soothe my discomfort.

We arrived in L.A. at 11:30am and I made my way off the plane and out of LAX within an hour. (NOTE: there are no lockers in LAX so I could not drop one of my two carry-on's). I UBER'd (first Uber ride ever!) to Manhattan beach, which was about a 15 minute drive from the airport. Manhattan beach is a small beach adjacent to several cute shops and trendy restaurants.

The forecast showed it would be 68 and overcast.

Considered "shit weather" in LA

THINGS TO DO IN MANHATTAN BEACH:

Go to the Aquarium & Cafe. It's on the end of the pier- you cannot miss it. As Aquariums go, it is sad as fuck, but as free things you find by accident go, it cannot be beat.

WHOA

Eels are terrifying, but they also always look terrified. 

Maybe they, too, are scared of Eels. 

The aquarium did have some rules: the sign reads, "You may touch the animals GENTLY with ONE finger." 

Me, following directions.

CAN I HELP U

Eat Lunch at Simmzy's, which has an open air design and a sweet bar. I chatted with the couple sitting next to me, and told them it was my first time in California. They apologized for the terrible weather.

A boss salad

Watch a volley ball game, inconspicuously.

"That's my Mom!"* 

Eat ice cream on the beach/generally feel at peace.  

Other clutch facts: The Starbucks next to the beach has free wireless charging pads in the tables. Use the fuck out of that sweet, free electricity. 

THANKS LA

After doing all of those things and wandering in and out of shops and getting a coffee, I still had six hours to kill. I do not recommend booking a flight with such a long layover. 

Because international flights are significantly comfier than domestic ones, and because I secured some earplugs, I slept for at least 8** out of the 15 hour plane ride to Sydney. On the plane I:

• Slept
• Ate dinner (quinoa salad with chicken, a bun, a pudding cup, and some Shiraz)
• Watched 15 minutes of the new Jurassic Park movie
• Slept
• Finished the new Jurassic Park movie
• Ate breakfast (eggs, sausage, veggies, yogurt, banana, tea)
• Arrived in Sydney 

Getting through Customs/Immigration 

Australia has intense rules about the plant/food/natural items you can bring into the country. Apparently, Australia has a long history of allowing non-native species in and then watching them wreck the place. (ESPECIALLY THOSE BRITISH PEOPLE, AM I RIGHT, ABORIGINAL COMMUNITY??)

I had planned to eat my banana on the plane to Sydney, but I did not. My face felt hot with fear as I entered customs. I honestly considered stuffing my banana in the bathroom trash on the plane, but the thought of doing this made me panic just as much ("What if they trace it back to me??"). I bravely declared I was in possession of an illicit fresh fruit, as well as a granola bar, chocolate covered almonds, and a chocolate bar. I expected to be pushed into a hidden room and questioned about my intentions. Instead, a customs officer said, "I'll have to take that banana," and I yipped "YES PLEASE TAKE IT" and then continued on through.

 I expected to speak with a customers officer about where I was staying, how long I planned to stay, if I had sufficient funds, etc. Instead, they just let me out of the airport. They really just care about fresh fruit here. 

*I am no one's mom 

**It is impossible to calculate exactly how long you have done something when traveling through space and time and it is also hard if you go to change the time on your watch but get tired halfway through so you just leave it at 2:00 and then need to go back and fix it later. 

MAKE A LIIIIIIIIIIST

After spending the morning doing what I can only assume looks from the outside like a very earnest attempt to eat a little bit of every single food in my apartment I decided I should make a ListTM of the things I needed to do before departing. Lists keep you organized. Lists will never betray you, because they are only trying to help.

Before actually making the list, which would be easy, watch the clock tick for a few hours.

Tick.

Tick.

Eat a sandwich.

Ok.

My list:

Check out that sweet list. Feel relief.

SO, YOU’VE DECIDED TO MOVE TO AUSTRALIA

CONGRATULATIONS! on making a large and possibly strange decision. Why Australia?? people ask. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care, and I don’t want you to tell me. You’ve decided, that’s what matters. There is no going back. There is no inexpensive way of going back.

STEP ONE: Apply for a visa, then don’t notice that that visa was approved until three weeks after the fact.  “Do I need to follow this timeline EXACTLY,” you wonder.

No. No you don’t.

Australia will send you an approval letter that is so confusing you may not realize it is a visa. Mine was sent one day after I applied, and I thought it was a receipt. Hah. They also use an electronic system because we live in the future so there is no need for you to get a stamp in your passport. Whoa.

STEP TWO is drop a ton of Ke$$$ha on a plane ticket. Choose your date of entry. Maybe also buy a return ticket, but I decided not to because I don’t know when I will want to leave and I might want to do some other travel before flying home. I spent a long time (15 minutes?) looking at flights on google flights and attempting to determine which was best (re: cheapest) without having a six hour layover in Guangzhou. I consulted several friends regarding what length of layover was acceptable for transferring from a domestic to an international flight in LAX while also considering every possible life decision which led up to this moment. After significant cajoling from friends (you guys are the best) while white knuckling my credit card I held my breath and pressed “confirm.”

When I opened my eyes, I realized I had waited too long and the screen timed out.

Repeat, but choose a slightly different flight without noticing. Look forward to your eight hour layover in LA.